Niceness vs. Kindness
Why choosing kindness requires more courage, integrity, and trust than being nice 🤍
For a long time, I considered myself a “nice person.” In reality, I was a people pleaser. I extended myself in ways that quietly exhausted me, stayed too long in situations I didn’t belong in, and allowed other people’s comfort to dictate my next move. Funny enough, none of this ever made me feel like I was enough. I would leave experiences replaying conversations in my head, wondering if I could have said or done something differently to make someone feel more comfortable or like me more. No matter how hard I tried, I felt anxious, overwhelmed, and disconnected from myself.
I had a breakthrough moment when one of my teachers noticed this pattern and said, directly and without any sugarcoating, “You don’t need to try to be nice to everyone.” Then she asked, “Why do you keep doing that? Have you ever prioritized yourself or your happiness first?” The answer was obvious. No. I had spent years keeping the peace and changing myself to fit the moment, shifting my colors to match whatever environment I found myself in— not because I lacked confidence, but because I didn’t trust that I could be myself without losing connection, or be held without performance.
Niceness is often what society expects of us. Kindness is what our soul asks of us. I used to think that doing what people wanted, or what I thought they wanted from me, made me a good person. But niceness, when driven by fear, drains us at a soul level. It keeps things smooth on the surface while leaving us ruminating, unsettled, and quietly resentful afterward. Kindness feels different in the body. It takes courage. It listens inward first and responds from truth rather than habit.
When I began choosing kindness over niceness, something unexpected happened. I didn’t lose connection, I gained it. My relationships became deeper, more honest, and more real. I found myself meeting people as myself instead of a version of me designed to be palatable. And instead of pushing people away, this clarity actually drew the right ones closer. Kindness created resonance. It allowed me to connect authentically, without effort, without shape-shifting, without abandoning myself in the process.
Niceness stays quiet to avoid discomfort, kindness speaks up when something honest needs to be said. Niceness is complacent, kindness is healing. Niceness bends to keep the peace, kindness understands that real peace comes from truth offered gently and clearly. Niceness manages the room, kindness trusts people enough to meet honesty when they are ready. Not everyone will be able to meet you there, and that isn’t failure or loss. It’s alignment doing its work.
Sometimes saying no is an act of service. When you stop fixing, smoothing, or absorbing what isn’t yours, you allow others to be where they are and learn what they need to learn. Kindness doesn’t rush or bulldoze. It doesn’t need to be right or loud. It’s grounded, calm, and clear. It speaks simply and leaves space.
How to Practice Kindness Over Niceness
Mini Mission for Self-Trust and Alignment
✨ The Inner Check-In
(5 energy points)
Pause for a moment and notice what’s happening inside you. Where do you feel open? Where do you feel tight or hesitant? Let your body give you information before your mind jumps in.
🌊 Notice the Yes or No
(10 energy points)
Think of a recent moment where you said yes, stayed quiet, or went along with something. Ask yourself gently: Did this come from truth or from fear? There’s no judgment here— just awareness.
🕯 Choose the Honest Response
(15 energy points)
Imagine what kindness would have looked like in that moment. Maybe it was speaking up. Maybe it was setting a boundary. Maybe it was saying no.
💛 Permission to Be Unliked
(20 energy points)
Remind yourself that you don’t need to be understood or approved of to be kind. You are allowed to choose integrity over comfort. Trust that alignment creates the right connections naturally.
Bonus: If it feels supportive, practice one honest sentence today, out loud or in writing, that reflects what you actually feel or need.
Now, I am a kind person— to myself and to others. I move from a place of self-love, self-respect, and integrity.
I’ve learned that the two most important relationships you will ever have, the ones that shape every other interaction, are the relationship you have with yourself and the relationship you have with God, Spirit, Universe, or whatever name you give to the sacred.
When those are rooted in truth and care, everything else begins to organize itself naturally. Kindness, I’ve learned, isn’t about being liked. It’s about being aligned. And from that place, connection becomes effortless.
XO, Liv
